You go to the bridal shop and try on a sample and let the saleswoman take your measurements. You stare at yourself in the mirror and try to picture how the dress will look when it’s three inches shorter and in a completely different color. It’s not bad, you admit. Your friend wasn’t lying. You hand over your credit card and go home. It’s just a matter of time before someone asks the inevitable: “Would you wear it again?”

If you’re like me, even if you’ve just acknowledged how inoffensive it really is, you answer no.

During my stints as a bridesmaid, I’ve found that there’s a big difference between whether I could wear a dress again and whether I would. To my friends’ credit, they have picked dresses that really did look nice, dresses that would not look out of place at a future party, and yet I have never allowed an encore. This is, in part, because of the way a dress is transformed by its first use – it’s no longer just a dress, it’s Friend’s Bridesmaid Dress. And when you’re constantly going to weddings with the same friends, this association does not go unnoticed. Once upon a time, you may have been able to get away with it at an out-of-town wedding with a different group of people – now, Facebook will tell on you. Then a certain married friend will write on your wall: “That dress looks familiar…”

But it’s not just a fear of getting caught that causes me to leave a beautiful chocolate-brown Badgley Mischka dress hanging in the closet at my parents’ house. It’s the realization that, even when the bride has our best interests at heart, it would be impossible for her to have the exact same taste as every woman in her bridal party. Just as I can recognize that Leonardo DiCaprio is an attractive man without being attracted to him, I can look at a dress and see that is pretty without being drawn to it as something I would choose for myself.

Clothes, whether they come from Zara or Dior, are one way we express ourselves. So when we receive compliments on an outfit, it’s not just our appearance at that moment that’s being praised but also our discernment – our ability to select the right piece for the occasion. We start picking out our clothes at a young age – or battling our parents to let us – because it’s a lot more satisfying to give yourself a mental “You did it!” sticker when you actually did do it. I have attended seventeen weddings in the past six years, so I’m certainly not above repeating outfits. I would just rather wear the one-shoulder cobalt-blue dress I found on my own four times (so far) than put on something that makes me feel even a smidge less special.

From the engagement party to the bridal shower, the cost of being a bridesmaid is not insignificant, so it’s not surprising that brides try to frame the dress as an investment that will pay off in the long run. But unless it’s one of those situations in which she merely specifies the color and lets the bridesmaids take it from there, I choose to view this purchase, like the penis straws used at the bachelorette party, as just part of the package. I don’t agree to be a bridesmaid to add to my wardrobe – I do it because my friend wants me to be part of her special day. What the dress looks like almost doesn’t matter.
Huffington Post Weddings

Being an independent bridal gown retailer for most of my life (I am the third generation owner of my family’s bridal salon), I have seen many changes in our industry. The biggest change has been the onslaught of discount internet websites and huge warehouse chain stores. Other trends such as high necks and pouffy sleeves came and went (thankfully). Destination weddings are a welcome breath of fresh air (literally). And what about the current mini-trend of brides purchasing used, or as many prefer to call them “pre-owned” wedding gowns? (Really?)

With that said, the most curious change has been the shopping patterns of today’s brides. By that, I don’t mean how they spend their hard-earned money, but instead, HOW these women literally shop for a wedding gown.

It used to be that a newly engaged woman would bring only her mother (or closest female relative) with her for this important, hopefully, “once-in-a-lifetime” shopping experience. It used to be a very intimate, emotional and special time for a mother and daughter. After all, isn’t it “every mother’s dream” to one day shop for a wedding gown with their daughter?

I’m not sure who sent out the memo to every bride across the country, but the trend has now changed… Today’s bride feels compelled to invite everyone she knows — in addition to her mother — to shop for her wedding gown! I call it “Posse Shopping”. I have seen as many as 13 to 15 people come into my store with one bride to help her shop for her gown! These situations are not only overwhelming for the store’s sales staff, but also prove to be especially challenging for the bride. So challenging, in fact, that many times she makes the WRONG decision when choosing her gown.

Included in these small armies may (or may not) be: The bride’s mother, sister, mother-in-law-to-be, maid of honor, sister-in-law-to-be, her mother’s best friend, ALL of her BRIDESMAIDS, her second cousin once removed on her father’s side, her 10 year old niece, the gay male friend with “INCREDIBLE” taste… you get the picture.

The following are familiar scenarios that occur in bridal salons all across the country, be they large or small:

Scenario 1, Group of 7: The bride really loves a dress she puts on in the dressing room. She admires it in the mirror and is excited to show her group the lovely vintage-looking lace gown she’s so beautifully wearing. She emerges from the dressing room and hears a chorus of “Oh, nooooo… Take it off!”, “That’s not you!”, “That dress looks like my grandmother’s curtains!!!”, “Next!” And then, her mom simply says, “I think you can do better, honey.”

Downtrodden, she drags herself back into the dressing room, wishing she had come alone.

Scenario 2, Group of 10: All of her bridesmaids and her first cousin. Her bridesmaids are hung over from the night before and are chatting and giggling about the hunky guy one of them met at some dive bar they visited last night. Her cousin’s boyfriend just broke up with her and she’s a complete trainwreck. Heartbroken and jealous, she can’t get past the fact that she should be the one getting married, not her cousin. As the bride emerges from the dressing room in a lovely choice, her cousin blurts out, “Oh my Gawd, I would NEVER wear that!” The rest shout differing opinions, and give advice left and right. After a few more dresses, some appear to lose interest while others talk on their cell phones. None of them are asking which gown the BRIDE likes best. Consequently, the bride leaves confused and disappointed, and wishes she had just come with her best friend.

Scenario 3, Group of 8: The bride’s strategy is to take a poll of her posse’s favorite dresses. Four vote for the satin ball gown. Two vote for the dress at the store they all went to last weekend. One vote for the dress that the bride loves the best, a mermaid. Satin ballgown has the most votes… the bride isn’t really a satin lover but she trusts her friends’ taste. After all, that’s why she brought them, they have good taste. And, they know what looks good on her, right? Maybe the mermaid isn’t the best choice for her, even though in her heart she REALLY loves it. In the end, she purchases the satin ball gown. A month later, after many tears and sleepless nights, the bride calls the store to see if she can cancel the order because she thinks she’s made a mistake. But it’s too late. The dress is already in works. She either has to buy a SECOND dress that she really loves, or she lives to regret her decision every time she looks at her wedding photos.

Get the picture?

When did brides become so insecure in their decision making? Maybe there’s just too much information and pressure for brides out there with the internet, bridal bloggers, staged photo shoots, celebrities and reality shows all trying to influence her? Is every bride afraid they will have their own personal Joan and Melissa Rivers at their wedding saying, “What was she thinking?”???
The experts and other brides will say that shopping for a gown can be a stressful time. Society’s pressures make it even more so today. I am not saying that brides shouldn’t take anyone with them to shop for their gown. I’m just saying that they should resist the need to please everyone else, and instead make sure they please themselves.

Here’s my advice…

When a bride goes on her most special shopping trip, she should only bring her most trusted core group. It’s ok if this is just one special person, or a few special people. But do try to keep the group to no more than three. Most importantly, a bride should never forget to listen to her heart. She should always choose those friends and loved ones who will not project their tastes onto hers. She should bring along the ones who know her taste, will listen to her, be truthful yet respectful and… will help her choose the right gown for HER. After all, it is still about the bride, isn’t it?!

Rachel Feather Flower

Schedule: January 6th and 7th

Appointments recommended

For more information please contact Destiny’s Bride.

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Jane ROCKS black accessories in her Engagement Shoot 

]]> http://reneepawelebride.com/jane-rocks-black-accessories-in-her-engagement-shoot/feed/ 0 http://reneepawelebride.com/sleeping-beauty-in-seattle-our-bride-tara/ http://reneepawelebride.com/sleeping-beauty-in-seattle-our-bride-tara/#comments Mon, 14 Nov 2011 16:43:31 +0000 Renee http://reneepawelebride.com/?p=2707

Our bride Tara comes from the Seattle area, where I have found to be a mecca of fashionistas. If you have not been to Seattle, this is a beautiful and clean city full of fashion, music and great people! Many of my Seattle brides opt for creative custom jewelry designs to incorporate into their wedding style!

Cocktail rings to match Tara's broach on her gown.

Tara chose the Midori Accent for her updo and the Alanna Bracelet to sparkle on her wrist.Tara designed this custom broach for the center of the flower on her wedding gown!

My bridal family is special to me too. Like any co-workers, we see A LOT of each other. Often days, more time is spent with them than with our spouses or children. We end up sharing things with one another. Work triumphs, yes, but also, family stuff, individual concerns, you name it. I treasure those relationships.

So that’s got me thinking on the definition of family. Many moons ago, I was lucky enough to be a cheerleader for the Raiders (yes, I was a Raiderette.). At our first practice the recently deceased Al Davis (owner of the Raiders) was in attendance. He was only there a few moments and spoke only briefly, but the words and more importantly the sincerity he conveyed have remained with me. He impressed upon us that if you were a part of the Raiders, you were family. A quote I’ll paraphrase says, “People will forget what you say and what you do, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” THIS was Al Davis.

So, while there is ‘no place like home’, I want my extended bridal family to know that I think of them like family and appreciate their consistently warm welcome and delightful friendships as I fly in and out of their various cities throughout the year!

Last Game of Season in December

Oakland Raiderettes (all from Los Angeles) 1996

Bride wears a glamourous gown from The White Dress in Corona Del Mar, California

Denise is wearing the Twyla Chandelier earrings

My favorite photo!

Zach and Denise live in Southern California but decided to celebrate their wedding in Seattle where most of their family resides. The bride’s Southern California style shows through with her long wavy hair worn down over her shoulders and large chandelier earrings. I was told by a photographer that height differences between the bride and groom is a challenge to photograph. I just love the pictures that showcase this quality…as the bride and groom gaze at each other.

Seattle's beautiful scenery

Bride Denise is wearing the Midori Accent Headpiece

I have a fabulous fight attendant friend who gave me a lovely little gift in as tiny prescription bottle a few months ago. She fancies herself a pharmacy “in flight” as she is able to pick up cool prescription strength products out of the country. She gifted me a bottle of Lumigan that claimes to make your eyelashes grow longer and thicker. Hmmmm..
of course I had to give it a try, not for my own Orange County vanity but rather as a public service to my clientelle. I figure my brides would want to know how to get longer lashes before their wedding day.
I have to be honest, I have never been very good a following directions. The instructions advised that I apply the product every night with a brush (like applying liquid eyeliner) and not to use on your bottom lashes. Well, I did sneak a little on my bottom lashes as if the direction following police was watching, and tried to apply nightly.
The instructions warned that your lashes would shrink back to normal (short and thin) if you did not apply consistently.
The truth…this liquid magic is amazing!!! I have a love affair with putting my mascara on my long and lovely lashes every morning. Even my lower lashes have grown. It has been over a month since I have used the product and my lashes are still fabulous!
Ladies, if you have wimpy lashes, and you don’t want to wear falsies for your wedding day, run to your doctor and ask for Lumigan. And get yourself luscious lashes!